Friends count on one another for support during rough times. Chances are good that someone you know will be affected by a corporate downsizing before the economic downturn makes a comeback. When (not if) it happens, you will probably want to do what you can to be supportive. Coping with job loss can be a slippery slope, even among friends. Here are some dos and don’ts to consider as you tread lightly among your professionally wounded friends.

Don’t: Minimize the situation. Job loss is more than loss of financial security. Work is a primary source of identity for many people. We spend so much time at our jobs that coworkers often become second family, and a source of support. To have all of this taken away at once can be devastating. Avoid offering empty reassurances that “it will be OK,” especially in the beginning.

Don’t: Give advice unless you are asked for it. In the spirit of being helpful, we often try to solve problems for people when we see they are struggling. Resist this temptation with a newly unemployed friend. She may need to vent, talk out loud, worry, or cry. Listen to her, let her know you care, but don’t downplay her difficulties by offering a band-aid. Stop yourself from saying anything that starts with “You should…” It may be helpful for her if you casually repeat some of her emotion-laden words back to her so she can hear them from another perspective. Advice is cheap, a good listening ear is priceless.

Do: Tap her expertise and seek her advice. The slap in the face that often accompanies a layoff can be demoralizing. Your friend may take this action as an indication that her talents are not valued, and she may start to doubt herself. There is no place for self-doubt in a job-search campaign. You can help her out of this rut by making her feel useful again. Whether she has a talent for photography, decorating, cake baking, or do- it-yourself home repairs, think about what she is good at, and ask her to help you.

Do: Invite her out for lunch or coffee. The first week of downtime after full-time employment can feel like a vacation. After that, the days tend to drag on. Make a point to invite a job-seeker to join you in town to touch base and offer support. Realize that your meeting may be the get-out-of-the-house event your friend most looks forward to that week. Once you set the date, cancel it only as a last resort. Also consider whether or not your friend will be strapped for cash, and put careful thought into any gesture to offer to pay. Some may be relieved, while others may be insulted.

Do: Ask “What can I do to help?” Give your friend a chance to consider what she needs, and then see what you can offer for help. It is likely that she will not have an immediate response, so let her know it is a standing offer when she figures something out. You might end up proofreading her resume or cover letter, helping her prepare for interviews, or calling her for a weekly check-in and encouragement. What is important is to let her decide what she needs.

√ Your friend will most benefit from your help if you remember to be supportive without being overbearing, to listen as much as you speak, and to be gentle and understanding while she figures out what to do next.

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